Shinji Ikari: A Not-so-Fine Magical Girl Day
by bigbootyshinji420
Summary: Soon after the death of his friend, Nagisa, Shinji discovers his powers as a magical girl and moves to New York City. There, he meets two new friends/drugdealers, Jesse and Levi, and he discovers the true meaning of love. Soon after meeting his friends, life starts going downhill, beginning with a revelation that will change Shinji's life forever.


Shinji Ikari sat on a cliff, feeling very lonely and distressed. Suddenly, his best friend, Naggisa Furukwaja, came up and sat beside him.

"N-Naggisa," shinji let out a cry.

"whet," Nagisa questioned, unable to figure out why Shinji was yelling.

"I'm so sad," shinji sighed.

"why," Naggisa asked, looking out at the beautiful world around her.

"Because I have no family. My dad died in a car wreck," Shinji went on to explain.

After a few minutes of silence, Shinji glanced over at Nagisa only to find her smoking a blunt.

"N-Nagisa!" Shinji cried.

"I told you before to never blaze it without me!" he screamed.

"whet," was Nagisa's only response.

And then Nagisa, being high as fuck, decided to stand up and fall off a cliff, dying for like... the 2nd time?

"BUT NAGISA! YOU HAD A KID!" Shinji cries and screams.

Not only was Shinji-kun parentless, he was also friendless.

Just then, Sailor Moon came out the sky and swooped to shinji's level.

"Aye, Shinji-kun-chan, we gotta go, bitch!" she screamed.

"B-But... why? If you plan to make me get in that damn robot, you got another thing coming!" Shinji yelled and prepared himself for a fight.

Sailor Moon rolled her eyes.

"Shinjit-chan, you're a magical girl," Sailor Moon said, exasperated at how dense the Ikari kid was.

"Whet," Shinji said and noticed how similar his speech patterns were to the late Nagisa-chan's.

"Bitch, I aint finna explain shit to you. I don't get paid enough for dat," Sailor Moon grabbed Shinji's hand and placed a brooch in his hand.

"Now, repeat after me 'milf power, make up!'" Sailor Moon screamed, loud af, in Shinji's ear.

"m-m-milf power, make-up!" Shinji yelled back, deciding he had nothing better to do.

Just then, Shinji transformed into the most beautiful magical girl alive. He still had his ugly hair though.

"Ghud, now let's go," Sailor Moon grabbed Shinji's wrist and off they went to New Yorck City.

When they got to New York, Sailor Moon explained that Shinji would have to live in an apartment with some guy named Highcho. After barely explaining, Sailor Moon evaporated. Shinji walked to his apartment and knocked on the door. Jesse Pinkman opened the door, and Shinji noticed he was wearing a frilly lace bra and yoga pants. Without asking why Shinji-kun-chan was there, Jesse walked back into the apartment and continued arguing with who Shinji could only guess was Highcho.

"C'mon baby... don't be like that," Highcho said.

"Naw.. Imma leave yo ass today. This is the last time, Levi! The last time! You always say you're sorry, but you aint!" Jesse yelled.

Shinji walked timidly into the apartment, only to find that it smelled like a weed factory. There, resting on the coutner, was the Highcho, or Levi, as Jesse-san called him. Highcho had 6 blunts in his mouth.

"SUGOI!" Shinji screamed.

Highcho ignored him.

"Pinkman-chan, I knew you was the one, right when I first seent you," Highcho desperately tried to call after Jesse, who was packing his bags.

"You're choosing blunts over me! This whole apartment is evidence of your decision," Jesse cried.

"I love my blunts... but... I love you more," Highcho began crying.

Jesse stopped packing and turned around to face Levi. He began crying.

"Y-You love me?" Pinkman choked out.

"Hella," Levi said, still crying over his love.

Pinkman and Levi embraced. Shinji watched with amazement.

Just then, Dr. Phil's super secret soldiers barged into the apartment, causing Jesse and Shinji to shit their pants.

"Shinji Ikari-kun, we have come for you! You are scheduled to be on the Dr. Phil show in less than 20 minutes. Let's go," the soldiers gripped Shinji's wrist tight.

"B-But," Shinji started, but was immediately hushed when one soldier knocked him the fuck out.

When Shinji woke up, he was on the Dr. Phil show. He looked around, and found he was facing both Dr. Phil and... his father?

"Hey folks. I'm here today with Gendo and Shinshit Ikari. Welcome, you two," Dr. Phil smiled his creepy smile.

"Father! I thought you were dead!" screamed Shinji.

His father gave Shinji the famous Ikari smirk. The crowd oo-ed.

"Right. Okay. Now Gendo called me up today, Shinjit, and told me to arrange this, uh, meeting. You've hurt your father, Shinja," Dr. Phil explained.

"WhET?" Shinji yelled.

"Right. Ok, so Shinja. Hear your dad out," Dr. phil said.

A video flashed on the wall behind Shinji. In it, his dad was shown in tears.

"I-I just got news that S-Shinji, my son... is a magical girl," Gendo burst out crying.

"I c-can't look at him... knowing he disgraced the Ikari family name! OH lord!" Gendo cried.

The video ended.

"Shinja, how long have you been a magical girl?" Dr. Phil asked.

"Uuuuh, ion know," Shinji said.

"S-son..." Gendo's voice cracked.

"Bruh," Shinji sighed.

"How could you? I told you to stay away from that risky moon child!" Gendo sobbed.

"You didn't tell me that! Liar!" Shinji yelled.

Somebody in the audience said "Baka!" really loud. Shinji heavily sighed. That bitch Asuka was here. Goddammit.

"Now, Hinges, you must have known that your activities as a magical girl would distress your father," Dr. Phil redirected his attention to Shinji.

"Fkirst of all, my name isn't Door hinges or whatever.. It's Shinji. Second of all, no," Shinji sighed.

"You're doing an awfully a lot of sighing there, Kenni," Dr. Phil said.

"I'm allowed to be a magical girl! It's my life, dad! I make my own decisions! I'm no longer an Eva piloter! I was never good at it! I finally found a lifestyle I can enjoy... that of a magical girl's!" Shinji screamed.

With that being said, Gendo Ikari died of a heart attack. Those fatal words... he couldn't bear to hear them. His heart was too unstable to hear Shinji's speech.

"Well, now look what you've done, Genevieve. You done killed him," Dr. Phil sighed.

Shinji sat in another chair and cried.

fin


End file.
